Freedom

You were my dreams come true. Gentle calming zephyr for my chained soul. 

A balm to my mercurial heart. 

Little did I know empty dreams seem more real than reality.

Sordid, bitter and scathing.

No dream lasts forever. Some just last long enough to drain the 

Last will to trudge on…

Like the undrained pus in a fermenting scar. 

Tell me how to stop this churning in my soul. Stripping me of love, warmth, the very life blood that runs through my veins still.

Let it lie still, the memories of us, the future no longer beckons warmly. Lost in a mist so thick,

I’m afraid we no longer have the blind man’s stick to guide us. 

All will come to naught. 

All will fall apart.

You will set sail. 

The chains will no longer hold.

Innocence

She was playing when he sneaked out the kitchen door. If not for the slight wind that ruffled her hair beckoning her beyond, she would have been content dressing her Barbie. It was her favorite doll – it was the first gift her Mom had given her.

But the kitchen door beckoned.

And Barbie looked rather pale and pallid – the afternoon sun could do nothing to infuse even a tinge of color into her cheeks. She let go of Barbie, even though it was the only toy she had managed to clutch in her hand on the hurried ride to the cabin in the woods. Barbie lay there, left discarded. She peeked forth from the kitchen door.

Tip toes took her forward, expectations of another surprise from Mom bubbling within her veins. Anticipation, hidden mirth at catching her Mom off-guard enthused her as she hid her quiet giggles and followed him deeper into the woods.

There he was, digging. She couldn’t make out much else as the clouds hid the sun. But she did see her Mom. On the floor, covered in red and brown and ginger hues – lay her Mom. While her heart choked, and the blood pounded and whistled in her ears, he was heaving her Mom’s form into the silent dirty grave.

She cried out.


Her Dad looked up. Innocence was lost.

Loving Grace

What is Love?
Is it the mindless passion shared under the starry sea?
Or is it the all-consuming ecstasy of a lovers arms around you?
Is it the quiet hand at the small of your back - guiding you back to the yellow brick road?

Cynics, poets, enthusiasts, believers and atheists
They all have something to say -
some light to shed...

But what if love was the light?

The light of dawn breaking over a sea of life
The warm coffee brewing in a quiet cement skyscraper
The arms that cocoon me in the warmth of my little world.

Think, loving friend -
If love could be tomorrow's saving grace
Wouldn't the world be a better place?

Love Sonnet

They say it cripples the heart

Chokes the veins and makes you blunt

But they haven't tasted the ruby red of your lips

Nor felt the heady daze of your embrace

I will throw away my pride in a second
To hold your hand - my lifeline

Blood, sweat and bones
I am but yours.

Who will you be?

Hard is the heart that has seen misery,
Broken is the clay that has dried out its emotions,
Brave is the heart that bears its scars proudly,
Courageous the mind that still believes clearly.

What will you be?
Who will you be?

The saviour who cannot rise above the malice
The warrior whose path bleeds into his soul
The ghost that lingers in every nook and cranny in the midst of nowhere -

What will you be?
Who will you be?

Look into the mirror - look beyond the shiny ripples and deep into your soul
See what truly lies beneath the flesh, bone and gore.
Know yourself.
Believe yourself.
Be yourself.

To You, With Love.

I have tried a million times - to keep you away.
It didn't make sense to trust you - my instincts screamed at me.
But I didn't know then that the hands that can hold mine so tight,
Can soothe my sore bones with a rush of delight.

The first touch of your lips - I shut my eyes and forgot the world.
Your skin against mine, melting me, completing me, making me whole again.

I waited. Waited a long long time -I closed all the doors, and windows and yet
you seeped through my very pores.
Today your blood and mine are the same - if I cut you I will bleed.
Today, the very air we breathe is the same, hot, moist and bleeding of each others essence.

I hid the darkness in my heart in shame, and you burnt it all away,
not even ashes can remain. 
I won't thank you, it will be a mockery.
I will love you instead - promise to be by you, even in my dying breath.

Don't hurt if I'm gone, because you will never be alone.
I will be there - in every pore, in every vein - like you are in mine.
I love you. I love you.
I love you.

Passion Aroused

Somedays I can't look into the light,
Caught in a web of tangled lies and despair,
Flinging my limbs like a spider caught in its own web...

Some thoughts flicker and vanish
Leaving no scratch upon the canvas of my cognition.
Am I in the zone of the living or is it the bliss of ignorance that cocoons me?

Touch me. Touch me I say,
So I can feel -- flesh, bone, blood and the seed that gave me life.

I need to know that I exist, an urgent passion erodes my lethargy...
The chains fall away and my fingers tingle across the keys of long forgotten memories.

I rise. 

Passion Aroused

Somedays I can't look into the light,
Caught in a web of tangled lies and despair,
Flinging my limbs like a spider caught in its own web...

Some thoughts flicker and vanish
Leaving no scratch upon the canvas of my cognition.
Am I in the zone of the living or is it the bliss of ignorance that cocoons me?

Touch me. Touch me I say,
So I can feel -- flesh, bone, blood and the seed that gave me life.

I need to know that I exist, an urgent passion erodes my lethargy...
The chains fall away and my fingers tingle across the keys of long forgotten memories.

I rise. 

Adventure of a lifetime

Once, twice, thrice...
Skip a beat. Back at one...
Whenever I think of you, its like we’ve just begun.
But I wonder if this is where we started
Or it had already begun...before we even met.

The universe has its funny ways...
And its cruel jokes...it has played them on us before.
But this time I pray
We’re the ones laughing in the end.

And even if we’re not, who cares.
As long your fingers linger in mine
We’ll take on the world
Together in this adventure – you and I.

Thoughts... to my Valentine

It's been a long day
One I wait for each year in hope of something new,
waiting -- as if -- on the edge...
Willing to fling myself away from this branch of life
into the limits of endlessness.

It's been different this time.
This Time that I keep counting
on the little rivulets of my palms...
It's been different -- not in a bad way.
So I'm not complaining.

Merely left wondering
Will I be here this time next year --
Gazing at you, being loved unconditionally?
Or will I be tossed aside -- for something new.

Waiting...will it ever end?

Fever of Impotence

Help!

It's a fever all-consuming
This battle of Will and Wit
cutting me inside-out, bleeding me raw -
churning up everything in its desperate path...
Who shall deliver the killing blow?

Shall I?

Make it better. Make it better!
Get rid of it.
Or me.

It's been long, ongoing and defeating.
Don't be a damned pessimist - they say.
Why not- shout I.
What has the existence of one soul
-beaten and battered-
Left to want?

Let it be over - once and for all.
For it drains me out...
axphyxiating the reason I am.

Will it get easier if I give in?
Let it rage on then.

A story through my eyes...

They bicker,  ALL the while.

If one says the sky is grey, the other will insist it's blue.

It's almost like a glass half-filled-half-empty story...


That it is, a Story, Beautiful in parts,

sometimes, just sometimes - it's tinged with the Blues.

But it is unraveling before my eyes,

like Time itself - a Force to be reckoned with...


I've seen them toddle  into their teenage years,

And the journey to Adulthood is a long one,

But I have no fear - as long as they walk this path alongside each other...

They will toddle into Old Age Together. 

Feathers to Spare

Like a moth to a burning flame,

I keep getting burnt

One feather at a time.

I wonder how many more I can burn.



Ask me my favourite colour

And I'll tell you

It's the colour of cinder just before it disappears

Because that is the colour of reality

See it through my eyes ;

One of these days, you'll understand.



One of these days, I will too.

Till then, let me stoke the flames...

There're a lot more feathers I can spare.

Whispers of a Foolish Heart

I have come so far along this path
The road beyond beckons
But I can only walk so far,
Before my trembling heart needs to rest.

I have lived centuries in a year
And lifetimes in a day
What more do you want of me?
Silly petulant soul
How can you be so stubborn?
Stop resisting...the world will not lose you
You will only have lost yourself.

But tell me Dear Stranger,
How can I calm this ghoul within?
This childish display of selfhood
Where there is no Self I can claim
And myself I cannot detain...
Till one day
Deranged and Deadly
I will turn on myself
And give in.

Caught

Caught like a dream within a dream

I sit in this enchanted forest

Of my own making.

Basking in the clear blue sunshine

Looking out on these sparkling waters

I dream.



I've been here for a while now,

Glowing, like a sphere of light,

Nothing can touch me

No one can hurt me,

In this dream like creation

Of my own making.



So why is it that the bees buzzing,

The flowers blooming

And the quaint grass bearing our imprint

Reminds me of the chains

Rattling at my ankles

Gleaming, stinging

Unlike this ethereal haven

Of my own making?

Parents In Hate (or is that Love)!!

It really seems to be a horrible fight this time...The fight of a life time. Glasses shattered, furniture overturned -- it's like a true war raging on and on. I can't even see where this going to end...The end just isn't visible.

So far both parties have been  getting rapidly exhausted. They had worked up the anger quite fast actually...it started as a minor disagreement, but became a full out war in about twenty minutes...twenty minutes is all it takes for happy smiles to turn grumpy and a shouting match to ensue.

Welcome to MY WORLD.

I really cannot fathom how I'm going to move forward with my life. And it's such a crucial time for me right now...and I really need them. But how can I turn to the key people in my life when they seem to be frozen in a moment of passionate anger?

My boss -- I can still recall the look of absolute envy on his face when he --  'informed' me that I am being given a promotion. Along with added responsibilities I am being given a new division to man -- but in another city. It's either-accept-it-or-forget-any-promotion kind of thing. Naturally, after weaseling my way out of such offers for the last three years, this time around I just can't figure out what to do.

That was 4 days ago. I have just one more night to think it over before I have to give my boss a call and let him know if I am sailing this ship, or dunking my entire future.

I usually turn to my parents for these kind of things...since they've sheltered me for the last I don't know how many years of my life...there's no reason to take away this pleasure from them now...that's my logic.

But this time, I was scared of telling them...I was worried for me and for them. It was another city, a new chapter in my life, am I even ready to take this step? But if I give up now, will I ever learn to live my life the way I want to? Too many pressing thoughts...and in the middle of it, my parents go and have a fight.

I cannot console Mum enough and I cannot make Dad see reason. They are caught up in a world of their own...and they expect me to play nice. Well how can I? Worse still, I keep thinking as I watch another glass break -- what if this happens and I am not here to keep the house from breaking apart?

What happens when Mum gets one of her migraines and is unable to lift her head even for a sip of water?

I have been thinking, thinking and I am getting nowhere. Sometimes I get really pissed, but they are my parents and I love them to death. But seriously? 

Why do parents play adults when it comes to their kids, and become hissy children when it comes to each other?

God, will I become like that too?!!

Well, que sara sara...I think I hear things cooling down a little...the noises have turned into muffled groans and moans...Whoa! What happened?

Nothing much -- they are making up. Mum has her migraine and Dad is getting her a glass of water, holding her head up and urging her to take a sip. In his countenance, I see all the love that I know my Dad has for Mum. The love that has kept them together for thirty odd years. I am worried Mum will push the glass away, she tries to put up a fight...but the soothing words from Dad have melted her...and the headache is really the greater nuisance right now. So she takes a sip, and rests her head on Dad's shoulder.

That's it. It will go back to normal now. I was just worried for nothing.

As long as they have each other -- they'll do just fine...I smile as I take my cell phone to the next room to call my boss.

After Intermission Love

He was the only heir to a multinational business. She, a mere secretary. He was supposed to provide and raise the next generation of mercenaries. It wasn't in his nature...but it was in his blood. And she was a sweet thing who only wanted the best for him.

And so when the order came to be the family man, she left his side to raise her own.

Now his sons have taken over. And her daughter only needs her to rest.

They are no longer the same -- her bell like laughter sounds a little subdued to his straining ears. And his smile has lost a little of its sparkle in her dull grey eyes.

But now they can love and live the way they always wanted to -- wrapped and cocooned in each other...

Their love bloomed to fruition after the Intermission. 

Thoughts Of A Wisened Fool

There'll be days when the sun won't shine
When you'll long for the russet sky
Only to be claimed by the moonless night.

Days when your heart will feel
Like the plague ridden rats have been let loose
Scratching, Gripping, Crippling --
Chewing you in -- Spitting you out.

And yet, Fool that you are,
You will seek warm company
For those days when the coffee feels too bitter --
And the walls too bleak,
As you dream of your future
And think of nothing at all.

But no one told you
And yet you knew
That there'll be days when the
Sun will shine so bright
The birds will harp till you smile
And the rain swept soil will smell sweet again --
And within your heart you'll know
Life will be worth living again.

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